The Life and Musings of Bewitcheddaughter79

Summer is coming to an end ... ...

2010-09-06T19:13:00.000-07:00

Although I do enjoy the fall weather and happenings (hey I am an October baby) it is with a bit of sadness that I must say good bye to the summer. Today (Labor Day) tends to draw a close to the summer - days are getting shorter, the coolness is in the air a bit more and the kids have (or will be) headed back to school.

This summer the kids and I spent 2 glorious weeks in Ocean City with my dad. Those 2 weeks flew by quicker than any other time this summer. We would get up and have a lazy morning watching cartoons while eating our breakfast and then head our to the pool. We would be at the pool until early evening when we headed back to the hotel room to get cleaned up and head to dinner before walking the boardwalk and enjoying that sights and sounds that we are accustomed to there.

Me & the kids after getting back from Ocean City

TD & my dad with the Hooter Girls - he LOVED having dinner @ Hooters

CP& TD with K @ pool in Ocean City

Then there was the fun filled day at Jolly Rogers where the kids (CP & hubby) tried every water ride and had a great time together while TD and I settled in the lazy river and the pirate pool. Mom split her time between both the grandkids and was as dare devilish as CP & hubby.

We've taken regular trips to our local zoo and even made it to a few minor leauge baseball games this year.

Although we have packed quite a bit in to the summer this year I am a bit sad to see it come to an end. The kids are both growing so damn quick and summer seems to be the only time that I can breathe and really watch how much they are changing and growing. Plus who doesn't enjoy the relaxation of the summer months.

To the end of summer & the beginning of fall.

Blessed Be
)O(

School Has Begun ... ... ...

2010-08-30T18:17:00.000-07:00

Well, the first day of the 2010 - 2011 school year is over. The kids got up pretty easily this morning. Once up, they got showered, dressed and ate breakfast before watching TV. I was really impressed with how easy the morning went. (I should of known that meant trouble for tonight).

Mom arrived (after calling to let us know she was on her way) to take CP to school. The game plan was she would take her to school - drop her off and return to my house. Well, once CP was away from mommy she had a mini melt down about not knowing anyone, not knowing where her locker was and whatever else goes through the minds of newbie 6th graders. So, mom arrives at the middle school, parks and walks CP into school. She did not stay long - CP recovered quickly from her little break down as soon as she saw that there really were not that many parents standing around.

Before returning to my house mom has some excitement to her morning - her tire is flat. She does not know much on that level so she went to pap's work and talked to him. they went over to Wawa to put air in the tire but that air pump was on the blitz so over to Expert Tire they went. Finally got air in her tire - not sure why it went flat but was told to keep an eye on it. She got pap back to work and then back to Wawa for cappacino before coming back to my house.

She gets to my house and TD is raring to go to school and we keep trying to get him to settle down - there was like a half hour before it was time to take him. We talk and enough time has finally passed that we load TD up and head over to the elementary school. There really was no excitement there - we walked TD to his class and got him settled - talked to a few of the teachers (they are all like family since this is my 8th year in the same school) then to the nurses' office to check on one of TD's medication forms. The doctor wrote it to be administered once - twice daily rather than as needed. We caught this last Friday but the doctors had not yet corrected it. I called the doctor's office and raised cain - supposedly they planned on printing out what they filled out, fixing it and faxing it over to the nurse in the am - I will see if that is what happened when I get in there in the morning to sign it.

Mom brings me back home and I call my girlfiriend and ask her "Do you hear that?" - ok I was being a smart ass but the silence was really nice. She knew exactly what I was talking about. Ended up running to Wal-Mart with her and then came home and had some lunch. after lunch I admit that I did absolutley nothing but play on the computer and watch TV. I figure that after having the kids for the last 60 plus days I deserved to do absolutely nothing for at least a day (maybe more if the family continues to piss me off - have they not realized what happens to the house and laundry when mom goes on strike?????)

The time finally comes for CP to get home - my gf picked her up since she was picking up her daughter and step daughter. She gets home and I start asking her about her day while we head out the door to go get TD (figured that we should pick him up since sissy got a ride home). He was happy to see me and I think his teacher was too. LOL

We get home and I try to get TD started on his homework - that was an absolute nightmare - he did not want to do it and agured the entire time. I admit that I lost my temper and screamed & yelled more than I should have but I was at the end of my homework rope. I felt like crap for acting like that but do not know what else to do. (You got a suggestion - please put it in the comments - I am open to anything helpful). While trying to get TD to work on his homework I am trying to read through (and fill out & sign) the bazillion papers that CP brought home. At some point I even lose it with her because it seemed like she had not paid a bit of attention to the teachers and extraa supplies requests. All the time that this drama is going on hubby is sitting there making snide comments on doing NOTHING. At one point he says something and although I did not think I answered in a bitchy manner I guess I must have because he snaps at me that he was just trying to be interested and this is why he doesn't know anything about school and the kids ... ... blah ... ... blah. I was so pissed that I was crying and had to go upstairs. Now my only comment to him not knowing anything about the kids school's is that he doesn't listen to me when I try to tell him about something or he is more interested in the game or whatever else shit is on the TV. UGH!!!!!

So, long story short ... ... the first day of school is over and I only hope that tomorrow evening goes a hell of a lot smoother - especially since I also have cheer practice in the evening and cannot continue to deal with this level of stress.

Blessed Be
)O(

Bewitcheddaughter 365 Letter Project

2010-08-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

Ok, so yesterday I joined a new group on SWAP*BOT ~ Creative Mailings (or something like that). In one of the discussion forums there was a list of sites to help us with our "creative mail". The very first link that I clicked on was this blog about a 365 Letter Project. It was about how the author had a reavlation that no one seems to write letters the old fashioned way anymore with pen and paper, therefore no one is receiving them. So the author decided that for an entire year they were going to write a letter to (hopefully) someone different in their life. Maybe to their spouce one day, their children another, friends that they had lost contact with through the years, famiy that they rarely got to see anymore and whomever else they chose to write to.

After reading the blog it got me thinking that this would be something wonderful for me to give a try. I am always writing letters to someone but never on such a scheduled basis.

Throughout the years I have always been compared to my Nanny because like her I always have a pad of paper and pen at my side whether it is to write down things that I need to remember at the grocery store or to write a letter to someoone I hold dear. And like her I have always enjoyed writing letters to friends and family far away or near just to say hello and see how things are going for them.

So the Bewitcheddaughter 365 Letter Project has begun. I wrote my first letter yesterday to my girlfriend. She used to live next to gram and pap then moved after her divorce but was still in the area. After falling in love and marrying again she moved to VA and we now only get to see each other about 4 times a year if we are lucky - of course we communicate through email and Facebook through out the year but I figured it would be nice for her to get a letter in the mail from me. She is always on the go and never slows down so maybe receiving a letter in the mail from me will not only brighten her day but help her to slow down adn enjoy the flowers. :0) The content wasn't anything extrodinary but just letting her know that it was good to see her and the chaos of life in MD.

Of course there will be days that I will probably regret beginning this project (you know the days where I feel that I have been pulled in every direction possible and am ready to just crash) but I hope that this will not only strenghthen the bonds between my family, friends and myself but will help to brighten their days when they receive a bit of "HAPPY MAIL" from me.

Please know that if you are reading my blog and by chance are one of the lucky ones that receives a letter from me in the next 365 days - YOU ARE NOT JUST A PART OF A PROJECT but ARE SOMEONE I LOVE AND WISH YOU A SMILE. :0) Again, I hope that this will only strenghthen our bond - plus we all know that emails just get trashed sooner or later but a real paper letter we can take out and reread whenever we are having a crummy day to remind us that there is someone that loves us.

Today's letter was a quick note to a dear friend that I met a few years back in a swapping group. When the swapping group folded we still kept in contact through email and the occassional letter. As life has gotten a bit busier we don't keep in touch as faithfully but maybe today's letter will change that. :0)

Well, really need to go get something done other than playing around on the computer or writing about life. LOL

Until another day ... ... ... the life & bemusings of bewitcheddaughter79 is TO BE CONT.

Life ... ...

2010-08-20T10:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I have had the realization that I have not been on and blogged in quite some time. Why you may ask ... ... LIFE ... ... LIFE ... ... LIFE. Life is always crazy here and a bit chaotic to say the least but I know that I need to get back into this and really getting all those things that used to build up out so that I can move on and be the best mom that I can be. :0)

Gram

2009-05-22T19:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I was sitting here this evening watching "Super Nanny" and of course the parent that nanny was helping was someone who recently lost her husband, well that of course brought up gram's death - something that quite truthfully I have not dealt with but have had no time because I always have to be cheerful and perfect in and around everyone that I know.

One of the first exercises the nanny did with the mom was to get the anger out and it hit me that I am angry with gram ... ... well after the show was over I went out to the kitchen and had a cigarette and screamed and cried about my anger that has just been sitting in my soul and churning but not going any where.

I am angry with gram for the following things ... ... they do not need to make sense to anyone but me and to me they make sense ... ... ...

I am angry that we were not one the best of terms when she had passed away ... ...

I am angry that she left me ... ...

I am angry that she will not see her great grandchildren grow up, graduate high school, fall in love, get married, have their own kids, and stumble through life as we all do ... ...

I am angry that she left and mom and I are now responsible for pap and his health ... ...

I am angry that she is not there when I make something new and go to call her to tell her about it ... ...

I am angry that she will never hold her great great grandchildren ... ...

I am angry for all the family stories that she told us through out the years but that none of us wrote down ... ...

and

I am angry that she seemed to just give up at the end.

She was an amazing woman who we all will carry in our hearts and souls every day. Seven years ago she was diagnosed as a renal failure patient. This diagnosis came after days in the hospital and when the doctors had almost given up as to the cause of her woes as she had never had any health issues prior to this. The doctors were so concerned that she would need dialysis very soon that they began the process of installing a port in her upper left arm. They were afraid that it would not even have the time to cure before dialysis would be our only option. Not so ... ... she FOUGHT and through a strict diet she held off for 3 years before she had to begin dialysis. Then she went to the doctor and her numbers were dropping again so dialysis was scheduled. She would go 3 times a week for 3 hours each time. She went those days to dialysis and then before going to work she would stop by my house and have a cup of tea and an egg sandwich. She hated that she missed even a small amount of work and refused to go home to lay down even on the days where she was hardly functioning. She continued to FIGHT. Then as if being on dialysis were not enough for her to fight, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer 2 years ago. She had noticed a lump just before Christmas but did not want to ruin any one's Christmas so she kept it to herself until after the new year. She was scheduled for a double mastectomy immediately where not only did she loose both breasts but also some lymph nodes that were cancerous. As soon as her wounds were healed she began the battle of chemo. She was still working full time and refused to allow her illness to interrupt her working so she worked all week long and went for chemo on Friday afternoons. The first few rounds of chemo went OK. She had to wait longer to get the next treatment but we were warned of that in the beginning because of her counts. Well, then she contracted a blood disease and was hospitalized. While in the hospital she just kept FIGHTING ... ... fighting everyone and everything. I can not tell you the number of times that she would argue about having to stay there another day. At one point she was arguing with me and I told her she was staying there and that was the end of it well she looked at me and said that CP would help her get out. When she was released she was still very ill and we convinced her to take a short term disability from work until she was through the chemo. Although she was not happy about it, she did take some time. And by October she not only finished chemo but also radiation and pronounced cancer free!!!!! Well we all thought that the war was over but boy were we wrong ... ... this had just been one very long battle to begin the war. Shortly after finishing radiation she just was not feeling well, she was short of breath a lot and during dialysis her heart rate was really going weird. Well thanks to the treatments to get rid of the cancer she was sicker than before. The chemo killed her heart and she barely had 25% usage of her heart and the radiation had burned a hole in her lungs. She FOUGHT these diagnosis' off and on through going back to work, numerous trips to the ER, some hospital stays and even another disability leave. She kept FIGHTING, she was not ready to leave us ... ... she had plans and by goddess she was going to grow old with my grandfather and hold her great great grandchildren. Then she goes into the ER for the last time. She was diagnosed with pneumonia but that was only the beginning. She began having trouble breathing and then her heart stopped. She spent a week and a half in ICU but quite truthfully I feel like she gave up ... ... she no longer had no will to fight.

So, yeah before screaming in the kitchen and writing this I was damn angry with her but I do know that she is no longer in pain and although the adjustments in our lives are massive right now we will all give through it with the love and support of each other. Do I wish that she was still here - DAMN STRAIGHT but only if she would of been healthy once again, there is no way that I could see her fight any more.

I love you gram!!!!!

I'm Blogging!

2009-05-20T06:29:00.000-07:00

Well, although I am only 29 I have never gotten into writing my own blog ... ... I read others but never have had my own. I decided that I needed to have my own and get word out there about my life and things that go on as well as things I find.

I hope that you find this somewhat interesting and if not, OH WELL!!!!! It will be no skin off my back. LOL